I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
