my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
