I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
