Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
