I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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