You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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