Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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