Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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