Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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