A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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