i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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