I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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