Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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