Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
