I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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