U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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