I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
