He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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