His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
