at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
