I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
