your parents love me but you hate me
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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