Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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