So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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