I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
