wrigley field is MILF paradise
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it penis luge time yet?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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