Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
