So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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