Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
