You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
