Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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