Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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