No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
