In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
