sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
