I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
