I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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