Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
