High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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