I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
