Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you traded sex for a burrito?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
