if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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