I can text with my tongue
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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