wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
