my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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