in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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