she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
