we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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