Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
