My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
