How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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