hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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