I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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