WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had sex on a roof
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
