Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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