so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
