Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
