Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
