saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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