took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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