i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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